lately, i realize that I am a useless friend, I know that I will never be a rock for someone because I know taht I cannot be a rock for myself. I am weak, fragile, emotional, and lastly, useless. And I am sorry. Honestly, I am sorry. This is the most that I can offer. I know that people will hate me for saying this but right now, I am not ready to be nice.

philosophy's falling in love

when it comes to love you need not fall, but rather, surrender. surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. you must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another. most importantly, you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another.

Song of the moment...

Without You
by Charlie Wilson

Without you
Mmm...hmm...
It feels like a lifetime,
A thousand days have passed by
Since I held you close to me
If I could see that smile from my friend
I know that I could live again
I need you here with me

Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right
Now you’re so far away
I hope and I pray
Somewhere in your heart I’ll always stay
Girl, lately my sun doesn’t shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling, girl
‘Cause my sun doesn’t shine,
Sun doesn’t shine without you

This is more for me than for youGirl,
I finally see there’s no substitute
For what we have
Do you know how much I love you

Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right now you’re so far away
Gonna tell you and show you
Do whatever I can do to get back to you
Girl, lately my sun doesn’t shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling, girl‘
Cause my sun doesn’t shine,
Sun doesn’t shine without you

It is one of those risk that I rarely do. But if there is a risk that I never regretted, probably this is it. I never thought that I will feel this way again. I thought I will just drown in all the loneliness and bitterness that I have with my crappy past relationships. I have the reason to smile everytime I wake up, to sing love songs, to do good in everything I am doing, I now have an inspiration, a reason to live, I have found my purple penguin!!! And I hope that we will spend half of our lives together, hehe....

Lately, I am feeling weird. I feel like I am a sunflower stuck in this stupid rose garden. Wanting to be different, wanting to be like everyone else but so stupid to realize that it will never happen, because we are from different families. all i can do is to be the best sunflower and try to be notice...

I am getting worried. I feel that I am drinker more than I am supposed. Every after shift has been a regular visit to Sukina, and from the usual bottomless iced tea that I am having, I am now having four beers. I really dont know what has been into me, but now, I am loving beer. And I am loving the people I am sharing my beer with.

currently loving this song... i just dont know the title...

If I keep on talking now
I'd only start repeating myself
And all I can say
Is I love you, i love you, i love you, I love you
If i slip and tip my hat
I'm certain to scare you away
and what would I say
I'd be hurtin' I'm certain
I'd be uncool to let you know that you're the one
A fool who jumped the gun
'Cause i've been advised by other guys you left behind
Your goodbyes were somewhat unrefined

If I play my role just right
Then tonight could be my lucky night
And you could be mine
If i presented to you
with a flower in the moonlight
shiny and new where you couldn't say no tonight
If I keep my heart out of sight

wala na akong pc sa boarding house. kaya less blogging, less updating ng friendster, less connection with friends. I dont know if there is a slight probability that the pc in the room will return pero wala na akong pakialam...kasi since nawala ang pc, i had more sleep, more time with my roommates saka less operating expense. which is good...dapat optimistic lagi!!!! hehe....

When all is said and done, there will only be five people in our lives in the course of love:

1. The one whom where we felt love first.

2. The one who was so perfect but got away.

3. The one who hurt you the most that you could barely take the pain

4. The one you fell in love with but only treated you as a best friend, and:

5. The one you would walk the aisle and exchange vows with

We went to malate last tuesday, because we are sick and tired of going to sukina after shifts.

It was a fun night, a lot of things happened. Maybe this song will tell you part of what happened. haha!!!

My current last song syndrome...syndrome...syndrome...eh eh eh!



Rihanna - Umbrella lyrics

This past days, I have turned into a constant drinker.

I have friends from work who really drink a lot, and being the subtle and casual drinker that I am. I am not used to having that time of lifestyle. Straight from work we will go to Sukina, I will go home at 9 am and then work again that night. Its like committing suicide right?

Though, it haven't affected me in a crazy and embarrassing way, I am still trying to control it. Aside from the fact that I will save more money, I know that it is better to be back to an occasional drinker again.

something inspiring...

Tuesdays with Morrie

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that youcan trust them, too - even when you’rein the dark. Even when you’re falling."

"Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone."

"If we can remember the feeling of love we once had, we can die without evergoing away."

The Alchemist

When you want something, the whole Universe conspires to help you realize your desire

A Walk To Remember

How can you see places like this... and have moments like this and not believe?

WindStruck

Sorry is not in my dictionary. If you want to hear it, change your name to Sorry. Then I'll call you Sorry!

A Lot like Love

I know I'm probably six years to late...but will you give me strike one back? Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love.

Before Sunset

Memory's a wonderful thing if you don'thave to deal with the past. You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details. There are so many things I want to do, but I end up doing not much

Life is Beautiful

The game starts now. You have to score one thousand points. If you do that, you take home a tank with a big gun. Each day we will announce the scores from that loud speaker. The one who has the fewest points will have to wear a sign that says "Jackass" on his back. Ther eare three ways to lose points. One,turning into a big cry baby. Two, telling us you want to see your mommy. Three, saying you're hungry and want something to eat.

I love taking pictures. And since we are bored in the boarding house yesterday, I started taking pictures of my housemates in black and white, and above are the results of unadulterated boredom. Good thing my hands are not shaking!

Our Picture with our new hair

So it is back to basics.

I colored my hair brown again, hehe... I dont know. I just got tired sporting my green with matching pink hair, and it is getting messy also, because the color started to fade. So Its back to brown. It is back to basic.

"There’s nothing wrong with hitting rock bottom (or going bankrupt), as long as you know how to handle it. It has happened to me 4 times already since I’ve been here. It’s very important not to whine and wallow in self-pity. It is a rejuvenating process, both mentally and physically if looked at in a positive manner. It’s actually no problem at all if you use your brain and do a little living off the land. You have to look around you and see what can be used. Whether it’d be gathering wood and/or bamboo for making a fire, or utilizing your domesticated animals if you have any, or taking advantage of your skills in order to hunt, fish, and forage, these are some possible options. I have planted some crops and invested in some chickens specifically for the purpose of getting through these situations. I am also fortunate enough to be close to the mountains and jungles where I can forage for fruits and other “ligaw” or wild foods that may be found. Always remember that Mother Nature has provided a means of survival that our ancestors have used and that we can use today. Some Aetas and other natives around the world still live off the raw land up to this very day."

-The Coconuter's Champorado

Since I have plans of saving money, and this day cannot get any boring, I viewed some bank products offered by different banks here in the Philippines.

First, I looked at Metrobank, because it is the one nearest from my abode. Also, MBTC has a good reputation in the banking industry (being a banking and finance graduate, I should no) And there is this Metrobank E.T. Savings Account, which you can open for as low as P2,000, have your own atm, but you will start earning interest for P5,000. But when I checked their terms and conditions, there is this line saying that in order you have an atm, you should have a maintaining balance of P10, 000. Am, possible, but i dont want to have that high maintaining balance because it is too high.

Next, BPI. I looked at BPI because it is the second nearest bank in our house, I want a bank that if I have a problem with my statement, I can just take a pedicab and I can fix it. Moving back to BPI, but I got confused with their website so I just stopped. I think that having a confusing website is a little fishy.

Third, is Banco De Oro, because my friend has a BDO account already, BDO is also near from our house and work place, lastly, BDO is open on saturdays and sundays which make it more convenient! I also got confused with their website because they have products for old people (60+), teens ( 13 to 19), and juniors (which I am sure I am not included). But where is the one for the 22 year old? Where is the one for the call center people?

It has been a tiring day and I haven't made a decision yet. But right now, I am thinking of having a bank with BDO. But until I have finalized my decision that is when I will start inquiring personally, and I don't have another valid ID, which is another thing added to my iterinary for next week.

So let's be kids again! I just watched High School Musical 2, and i got bored! The movie was good, but I think the first one was better. Because I feel that the whole movie just focused on Troy and Gabriela's relationship. The music was good though, and for me, this is the best song in the movie.

Kyla is really one of my favorite artist, ever since she started, I am so fond of her. My current LSS is her version of cupid, I just love her relaxing voice and humble personality. Lastly, if she will revive a song, it will surely be a hit. I know this one will....

Joyce and I were chatting this afternoon in regard to her new apple of the eye. I really can't remember what we talked about but all I remember was this song that I dedicated to her.

Cupid

by Kyla

album: Beautiful Days (2006)

Boy if I told you I love you
That doesn't mean that I don't care, oooh
And when I tell you I need you
Don't you think that I'll can never be there, ooooh

Baby I'm so tired of the way you turn my words into
Deception and lies
Don't misunderstand me when I try to speak my mind
I'm only saying what's in my heart
Cupid doesn't lie
But you won't know unless you give it a try
Oh baby, true love
won't lie but you won't know unless we give it a try
give it a try

Boy when I ask you to trust me
That doesn't mean that I'm gonna cheat on you
Cuz I'm gonna never do anything to hurt you
Or mislead you, I love you

Baby I'm so tired of the way you turn my words into
Deception and lies
Don't misunderstand me when I try to speak my mind
I'm only saying what's in my heart
Cupid doesn't lie
But you won't know unless you give it a try
Oh baby, true love
won't lie but you won't know unless we give it a try
give it a try

Ain't no doubt about it
Lord no, I really mean it
I rather die before I, before I lie to you
Never wanna leave you
Ain't no life without you
Never gonna leave, never gonna go,
No.No, no, no, no, no, no, no, ohhhh

Baby I'm so tired of the way you turn my words into
Deception and lies
Don't misunderstand me when I try to speak my mind
I'm only saying what's in my heart
Cupid doesn't lie
But you won't know unless you give it a try
Oh baby, true love
won't lie but you won't know unless we give it a try
give it a try

Ain't no doubt about it
Lord no, I really mean it
I rather die before I, before I lie to you
Never wanna leave you
Ain't no life without you
Never gonna leave, never gonna go,
No.No, no, no, no, no, no, no, ohhhh

Being in a diet sucks.

Yeah, I am on a diet. And I feel that I am killing myself already. Since last week, I stopped eating rice and tried my best to indulge on having vegies for lunch and bread for dinners. I am also not having lunch at the office at work.

And now, my roommates treated us for pizza and I can't even have a bite. huhu...

I really hate the feeling that I have right now, because I hate depriving myself. But since we are in a world where everyone wants to look good, and looking good is generally slim, toned and have an amazing built, I am doing this. Well, it is for my own good! I just hope that I will be able to pull this off.

one of the best songs ever created

Guess what's Funny in this picture?

I dont want to offend anyone, but I love this pic.

Hay, Zyrah, miss na kita...sayang di man lang tayo nakapagkita nung asa pinas ka. :p

I am planning to take glutathione...kamusta naman? hehe... So I linked a useful site that will able us to understand what glutha is all about.

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=50746

I have one conversation using yahoo messenger regarding how i feel about the industry, basically, i just answer all my friend's questions...

jbalote19: masasabi bang may growth naman kapag nasa call center?
cloud alexander alejandro: i dont know, something banking ang trabaho ko
jbalote19: kasi yung iba kong friend sinasabi nila stagnant nalang sila eh, sa call center
cloud alexander alejandro: am, if you will ask me, seriously. I will say tama ang mga friends mo.
cloud alexander alejandro: I have been in this industry for 3 years, since college pa, at first, it is fun, the pay is high, you can drink coffee at starbucks as often as you want, have fine dinners at greenbelt, if you want to go to a resort every week, that will be possible
jbalote19: but then...
cloud alexander alejandro: but, now that i have been here, it is getting boring, tiring and irritating...
jbalote19: mmm.... ok
cloud alexander alejandro: you will feel that everything is so monotonous, stagnant and just the same
cloud alexander alejandro: its hard...some say, that it is an easy job pero it is the toughest job to be dedicated with
cloud alexander alejandro:
jbalote19: if your doing it for almost 3 years that's what you will feel
jbalote19: hehehehe
cloud alexander alejandro: yeah...
cloud alexander alejandro: its been a while na, well during that time naman, i was still studying so it was fun and cool
jbalote19: ah ok
cloud alexander alejandro: but now, pakiramdam ko, mamamatay ako sa kabagutan kada araw
jbalote19: ngak
jbalote19: hehehehe
cloud alexander alejandro: uu...
jbalote19: planning to move out of call center industry?
cloud alexander alejandro: yeah.
cloud alexander alejandro: pero isang malaking desisyon un na i really have to think
jbalote19: can you say that working on a call center is not for long term job or goal or whatever?
cloud alexander alejandro: its not...
cloud alexander alejandro: hehe...
jbalote19: hehehe
jbalote19: so to clarify it with you, its just for short terms...
cloud alexander alejandro: the industry will always be here, even if you are old you will still be hired in the call center industry.
jbalote19: so to clarify it with you, its just for short terms...?
cloud alexander alejandro: its for kaartehan's sake...
jbalote19: ah ok
jbalote19: anyways i think thats true
jbalote19: coz call center can give you much money
cloud alexander alejandro: yeah...some kasi think that working in a call center is a fine job, less work more pay, di ba?
jbalote19: wherein you can buy all the things you want even if you don't need
cloud alexander alejandro: yeah,\....
jbalote19: yep
cloud alexander alejandro: pero the fact na marami rin kayong kaartehan ng mga office mates mo, i think it will be better to have a regular job
cloud alexander alejandro: kasi every morning you will have breakfast, then drink afterwards, then have coffee to be sober, then try to sleep for four hours
cloud alexander alejandro: then wake and it will be the same routine again
cloud alexander alejandro: mas marami ding vices like yosi, coffee, alcohol, mga ganun.
jbalote19: ah ok
cloud alexander alejandro: pero i love the industry. i met a lot of amazing people! but at the end of the day, you will realize that after 20 years of schooling, you will just end up answering questions from stupid americans, and having that feeling sucks.

The realization that I need a new career is killing me. Wah... I hate making decisions?