lately, i realize that I am a useless friend, I know that I will never be a rock for someone because I know taht I cannot be a rock for myself. I am weak, fragile, emotional, and lastly, useless. And I am sorry. Honestly, I am sorry. This is the most that I can offer. I know that people will hate me for saying this but right now, I am not ready to be nice.

philosophy's falling in love

when it comes to love you need not fall, but rather, surrender. surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. you must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another. most importantly, you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another.

Song of the moment...

Without You
by Charlie Wilson

Without you
Mmm...hmm...
It feels like a lifetime,
A thousand days have passed by
Since I held you close to me
If I could see that smile from my friend
I know that I could live again
I need you here with me

Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right
Now you’re so far away
I hope and I pray
Somewhere in your heart I’ll always stay
Girl, lately my sun doesn’t shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling, girl
‘Cause my sun doesn’t shine,
Sun doesn’t shine without you

This is more for me than for youGirl,
I finally see there’s no substitute
For what we have
Do you know how much I love you

Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right now you’re so far away
Gonna tell you and show you
Do whatever I can do to get back to you
Girl, lately my sun doesn’t shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling, girl‘
Cause my sun doesn’t shine,
Sun doesn’t shine without you

It is one of those risk that I rarely do. But if there is a risk that I never regretted, probably this is it. I never thought that I will feel this way again. I thought I will just drown in all the loneliness and bitterness that I have with my crappy past relationships. I have the reason to smile everytime I wake up, to sing love songs, to do good in everything I am doing, I now have an inspiration, a reason to live, I have found my purple penguin!!! And I hope that we will spend half of our lives together, hehe....

Lately, I am feeling weird. I feel like I am a sunflower stuck in this stupid rose garden. Wanting to be different, wanting to be like everyone else but so stupid to realize that it will never happen, because we are from different families. all i can do is to be the best sunflower and try to be notice...

I am getting worried. I feel that I am drinker more than I am supposed. Every after shift has been a regular visit to Sukina, and from the usual bottomless iced tea that I am having, I am now having four beers. I really dont know what has been into me, but now, I am loving beer. And I am loving the people I am sharing my beer with.

currently loving this song... i just dont know the title...

If I keep on talking now
I'd only start repeating myself
And all I can say
Is I love you, i love you, i love you, I love you
If i slip and tip my hat
I'm certain to scare you away
and what would I say
I'd be hurtin' I'm certain
I'd be uncool to let you know that you're the one
A fool who jumped the gun
'Cause i've been advised by other guys you left behind
Your goodbyes were somewhat unrefined

If I play my role just right
Then tonight could be my lucky night
And you could be mine
If i presented to you
with a flower in the moonlight
shiny and new where you couldn't say no tonight
If I keep my heart out of sight

wala na akong pc sa boarding house. kaya less blogging, less updating ng friendster, less connection with friends. I dont know if there is a slight probability that the pc in the room will return pero wala na akong pakialam...kasi since nawala ang pc, i had more sleep, more time with my roommates saka less operating expense. which is good...dapat optimistic lagi!!!! hehe....