l'ascension et la chute d'un ange

2007-10-26T05:06:00.000-07:00

lately, i realize that I am a useless friend, I know that I will never be a rock for someone because I know taht I cannot be a rock for myself. I am weak, fragile, emotional, and lastly, useless. And I am sorry. Honestly, I am sorry. This is the most that I can offer. I know that people will hate me for saying this but right now, I am not ready to be nice.

philosophy's falling in love

2007-10-12T01:47:00.000-07:00

when it comes to love you need not fall, but rather, surrender. surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. you must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another. most importantly, you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another.

2007-10-12T01:21:00.000-07:00

Song of the moment...

Without You
by Charlie Wilson

Without you
Mmm...hmm...
It feels like a lifetime,
A thousand days have passed by
Since I held you close to me
If I could see that smile from my friend
I know that I could live again
I need you here with me

Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right
Now you’re so far away
I hope and I pray
Somewhere in your heart I’ll always stay
Girl, lately my sun doesn’t shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling, girl
‘Cause my sun doesn’t shine,
Sun doesn’t shine without you

This is more for me than for youGirl,
I finally see there’s no substitute
For what we have
Do you know how much I love you

Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right now you’re so far away
Gonna tell you and show you
Do whatever I can do to get back to you
Girl, lately my sun doesn’t shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling, girl‘
Cause my sun doesn’t shine,
Sun doesn’t shine without you

2007-10-12T00:54:00.000-07:00

It is one of those risk that I rarely do. But if there is a risk that I never regretted, probably this is it. I never thought that I will feel this way again. I thought I will just drown in all the loneliness and bitterness that I have with my crappy past relationships. I have the reason to smile everytime I wake up, to sing love songs, to do good in everything I am doing, I now have an inspiration, a reason to live, I have found my purple penguin!!! And I hope that we will spend half of our lives together, hehe....

2007-10-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

Lately, I am feeling weird. I feel like I am a sunflower stuck in this stupid rose garden. Wanting to be different, wanting to be like everyone else but so stupid to realize that it will never happen, because we are from different families. all i can do is to be the best sunflower and try to be notice...

2007-10-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

I am getting worried. I feel that I am drinker more than I am supposed. Every after shift has been a regular visit to Sukina, and from the usual bottomless iced tea that I am having, I am now having four beers. I really dont know what has been into me, but now, I am loving beer. And I am loving the people I am sharing my beer with.

2007-10-09T22:50:00.001-07:00

currently loving this song... i just dont know the title...

If I keep on talking now
I'd only start repeating myself
And all I can say
Is I love you, i love you, i love you, I love you
If i slip and tip my hat
I'm certain to scare you away
and what would I say
I'd be hurtin' I'm certain
I'd be uncool to let you know that you're the one
A fool who jumped the gun
'Cause i've been advised by other guys you left behind
Your goodbyes were somewhat unrefined

If I play my role just right
Then tonight could be my lucky night
And you could be mine
If i presented to you
with a flower in the moonlight
shiny and new where you couldn't say no tonight
If I keep my heart out of sight

2007-10-03T00:59:00.000-07:00

wala na akong pc sa boarding house. kaya less blogging, less updating ng friendster, less connection with friends. I dont know if there is a slight probability that the pc in the room will return pero wala na akong pakialam...kasi since nawala ang pc, i had more sleep, more time with my roommates saka less operating expense. which is good...dapat optimistic lagi!!!! hehe....

2007-09-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

When all is said and done, there will only be five people in our lives in the course of love:

1. The one whom where we felt love first.

2. The one who was so perfect but got away.

3. The one who hurt you the most that you could barely take the pain

4. The one you fell in love with but only treated you as a best friend, and:

5. The one you would walk the aisle and exchange vows with

2007-09-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

We went to malate last tuesday, because we are sick and tired of going to sukina after shifts.

It was a fun night, a lot of things happened. Maybe this song will tell you part of what happened. haha!!!

2007-09-25T00:53:00.000-07:00

My current last song syndrome...syndrome...syndrome...eh eh eh!

Rihanna - Umbrella lyrics

2007-09-25T00:45:00.000-07:00

This past days, I have turned into a constant drinker.

I have friends from work who really drink a lot, and being the subtle and casual drinker that I am. I am not used to having that time of lifestyle. Straight from work we will go to Sukina, I will go home at 9 am and then work again that night. Its like committing suicide right?

Though, it haven't affected me in a crazy and embarrassing way, I am still trying to control it. Aside from the fact that I will save more money, I know that it is better to be back to an occasional drinker again.

something inspiring...

2007-09-25T00:25:00.000-07:00

Tuesdays with Morrie

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that youcan trust them, too - even when you’rein the dark. Even when you’re falling."

"Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone."

"If we can remember the feeling of love we once had, we can die without evergoing away."

The Alchemist

When you want something, the whole Universe conspires to help you realize your desire

A Walk To Remember

How can you see places like this... and have moments like this and not believe?

WindStruck

Sorry is not in my dictionary. If you want to hear it, change your name to Sorry. Then I'll call you Sorry!

A Lot like Love

I know I'm probably six years to late...but will you give me strike one back? Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love.

Before Sunset

Memory's a wonderful thing if you don'thave to deal with the past. You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details. There are so many things I want to do, but I end up doing not much

Life is Beautiful

The game starts now. You have to score one thousand points. If you do that, you take home a tank with a big gun. Each day we will announce the scores from that loud speaker. The one who has the fewest points will have to wear a sign that says "Jackass" on his back. Ther eare three ways to lose points. One,turning into a big cry baby. Two, telling us you want to see your mommy. Three, saying you're hungry and want something to eat.

2007-09-22T00:27:00.000-07:00

I love taking pictures. And since we are bored in the boarding house yesterday, I started taking pictures of my housemates in black and white, and above are the results of unadulterated boredom. Good thing my hands are not shaking!

2007-09-22T00:19:00.000-07:00

Our Picture with our new hair

So it is back to basics.

I colored my hair brown again, hehe... I dont know. I just got tired sporting my green with matching pink hair, and it is getting messy also, because the color started to fade. So Its back to brown. It is back to basic.

2007-09-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

"There’s nothing wrong with hitting rock bottom (or going bankrupt), as long as you know how to handle it. It has happened to me 4 times already since I’ve been here. It’s very important not to whine and wallow in self-pity. It is a rejuvenating process, both mentally and physically if looked at in a positive manner. It’s actually no problem at all if you use your brain and do a little living off the land. You have to look around you and see what can be used. Whether it’d be gathering wood and/or bamboo for making a fire, or utilizing your domesticated animals if you have any, or taking advantage of your skills in order to hunt, fish, and forage, these are some possible options. I have planted some crops and invested in some chickens specifically for the purpose of getting through these situations. I am also fortunate enough to be close to the mountains and jungles where I can forage for fruits and other “ligaw” or wild foods that may be found. Always remember that Mother Nature has provided a means of survival that our ancestors have used and that we can use today. Some Aetas and other natives around the world still live off the raw land up to this very day."

-The Coconuter's Champorado

2007-09-19T02:47:00.000-07:00

Since I have plans of saving money, and this day cannot get any boring, I viewed some bank products offered by different banks here in the Philippines.

First, I looked at Metrobank, because it is the one nearest from my abode. Also, MBTC has a good reputation in the banking industry (being a banking and finance graduate, I should no) And there is this Metrobank E.T. Savings Account, which you can open for as low as P2,000, have your own atm, but you will start earning interest for P5,000. But when I checked their terms and conditions, there is this line saying that in order you have an atm, you should have a maintaining balance of P10, 000. Am, possible, but i dont want to have that high maintaining balance because it is too high.

Next, BPI. I looked at BPI because it is the second nearest bank in our house, I want a bank that if I have a problem with my statement, I can just take a pedicab and I can fix it. Moving back to BPI, but I got confused with their website so I just stopped. I think that having a confusing website is a little fishy.

Third, is Banco De Oro, because my friend has a BDO account already, BDO is also near from our house and work place, lastly, BDO is open on saturdays and sundays which make it more convenient! I also got confused with their website because they have products for old people (60+), teens ( 13 to 19), and juniors (which I am sure I am not included). But where is the one for the 22 year old? Where is the one for the call center people?

It has been a tiring day and I haven't made a decision yet. But right now, I am thinking of having a bank with BDO. But until I have finalized my decision that is when I will start inquiring personally, and I don't have another valid ID, which is another thing added to my iterinary for next week.

2007-09-18T08:01:00.000-07:00

So let's be kids again! I just watched High School Musical 2, and i got bored! The movie was good, but I think the first one was better. Because I feel that the whole movie just focused on Troy and Gabriela's relationship. The music was good though, and for me, this is the best song in the movie.

2007-09-18T07:51:00.000-07:00

Kyla is really one of my favorite artist, ever since she started, I am so fond of her. My current LSS is her version of cupid, I just love her relaxing voice and humble personality. Lastly, if she will revive a song, it will surely be a hit. I know this one will....

2007-09-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

Joyce and I were chatting this afternoon in regard to her new apple of the eye. I really can't remember what we talked about but all I remember was this song that I dedicated to her.

Cupid

by Kyla

album: Beautiful Days (2006)

Boy if I told you I love you
That doesn't mean that I don't care, oooh
And when I tell you I need you
Don't you think that I'll can never be there, ooooh

Baby I'm so tired of the way you turn my words into
Deception and lies
Don't misunderstand me when I try to speak my mind
I'm only saying what's in my heart
Cupid doesn't lie
But you won't know unless you give it a try
Oh baby, true love
won't lie but you won't know unless we give it a try
give it a try

Boy when I ask you to trust me
That doesn't mean that I'm gonna cheat on you
Cuz I'm gonna never do anything to hurt you
Or mislead you, I love you

Baby I'm so tired of the way you turn my words into
Deception and lies
Don't misunderstand me when I try to speak my mind
I'm only saying what's in my heart
Cupid doesn't lie
But you won't know unless you give it a try
Oh baby, true love
won't lie but you won't know unless we give it a try
give it a try

Ain't no doubt about it
Lord no, I really mean it
I rather die before I, before I lie to you
Never wanna leave you
Ain't no life without you
Never gonna leave, never gonna go,
No.No, no, no, no, no, no, no, ohhhh

Baby I'm so tired of the way you turn my words into
Deception and lies
Don't misunderstand me when I try to speak my mind
I'm only saying what's in my heart
Cupid doesn't lie
But you won't know unless you give it a try
Oh baby, true love
won't lie but you won't know unless we give it a try
give it a try

Ain't no doubt about it
Lord no, I really mean it
I rather die before I, before I lie to you
Never wanna leave you
Ain't no life without you
Never gonna leave, never gonna go,
No.No, no, no, no, no, no, no, ohhhh

2007-09-18T07:21:00.000-07:00

Being in a diet sucks.

Yeah, I am on a diet. And I feel that I am killing myself already. Since last week, I stopped eating rice and tried my best to indulge on having vegies for lunch and bread for dinners. I am also not having lunch at the office at work.

And now, my roommates treated us for pizza and I can't even have a bite. huhu...

I really hate the feeling that I have right now, because I hate depriving myself. But since we are in a world where everyone wants to look good, and looking good is generally slim, toned and have an amazing built, I am doing this. Well, it is for my own good! I just hope that I will be able to pull this off.

2007-09-15T21:18:00.000-07:00

one of the best songs ever created

2007-09-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

Guess what's Funny in this picture?

I dont want to offend anyone, but I love this pic.

Hay, Zyrah, miss na kita...sayang di man lang tayo nakapagkita nung asa pinas ka. :p

2007-09-10T00:02:00.000-07:00

I am planning to take glutathione...kamusta naman? hehe... So I linked a useful site that will able us to understand what glutha is all about.

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=50746

2007-09-09T23:39:00.000-07:00

I have one conversation using yahoo messenger regarding how i feel about the industry, basically, i just answer all my friend's questions...

jbalote19: masasabi bang may growth naman kapag nasa call center?
cloud alexander alejandro: i dont know, something banking ang trabaho ko
jbalote19: kasi yung iba kong friend sinasabi nila stagnant nalang sila eh, sa call center
cloud alexander alejandro: am, if you will ask me, seriously. I will say tama ang mga friends mo.
cloud alexander alejandro: I have been in this industry for 3 years, since college pa, at first, it is fun, the pay is high, you can drink coffee at starbucks as often as you want, have fine dinners at greenbelt, if you want to go to a resort every week, that will be possible
jbalote19: but then...
cloud alexander alejandro: but, now that i have been here, it is getting boring, tiring and irritating...
jbalote19: mmm.... ok
cloud alexander alejandro: you will feel that everything is so monotonous, stagnant and just the same
cloud alexander alejandro: its hard...some say, that it is an easy job pero it is the toughest job to be dedicated with
cloud alexander alejandro:
jbalote19: if your doing it for almost 3 years that's what you will feel
jbalote19: hehehehe
cloud alexander alejandro: yeah...
cloud alexander alejandro: its been a while na, well during that time naman, i was still studying so it was fun and cool
jbalote19: ah ok
cloud alexander alejandro: but now, pakiramdam ko, mamamatay ako sa kabagutan kada araw
jbalote19: ngak
jbalote19: hehehehe
cloud alexander alejandro: uu...
jbalote19: planning to move out of call center industry?
cloud alexander alejandro: yeah.
cloud alexander alejandro: pero isang malaking desisyon un na i really have to think
jbalote19: can you say that working on a call center is not for long term job or goal or whatever?
cloud alexander alejandro: its not...
cloud alexander alejandro: hehe...
jbalote19: hehehe
jbalote19: so to clarify it with you, its just for short terms...
cloud alexander alejandro: the industry will always be here, even if you are old you will still be hired in the call center industry.
jbalote19: so to clarify it with you, its just for short terms...?
cloud alexander alejandro: its for kaartehan's sake...
jbalote19: ah ok
jbalote19: anyways i think thats true
jbalote19: coz call center can give you much money
cloud alexander alejandro: yeah...some kasi think that working in a call center is a fine job, less work more pay, di ba?
jbalote19: wherein you can buy all the things you want even if you don't need
cloud alexander alejandro: yeah,\....
jbalote19: yep
cloud alexander alejandro: pero the fact na marami rin kayong kaartehan ng mga office mates mo, i think it will be better to have a regular job
cloud alexander alejandro: kasi every morning you will have breakfast, then drink afterwards, then have coffee to be sober, then try to sleep for four hours
cloud alexander alejandro: then wake and it will be the same routine again
cloud alexander alejandro: mas marami ding vices like yosi, coffee, alcohol, mga ganun.
jbalote19: ah ok
cloud alexander alejandro: pero i love the industry. i met a lot of amazing people! but at the end of the day, you will realize that after 20 years of schooling, you will just end up answering questions from stupid americans, and having that feeling sucks.

The realization that I need a new career is killing me. Wah... I hate making decisions?

2007-09-09T23:08:00.000-07:00

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

2007-09-09T04:17:00.000-07:00

As part of my celebration last friday, I have this dinner with one of my most favorite person in the world. I just treated him at yellow cab. Okay, I will admit, I really like the guy. And I am trying my best for almost seven freaking months in order for him to like me. I really can't understand how I feel about him. I am happy everytime he is texting me that he is already going to work and he is going home. It made my day complete everytime he do that, actually, It's part of my routine knowing that he is on a bus, on the way to work/ home, and he is sleeping after he text me.

On the contrary, I hate it everytime he is asking me to set him up on a date. Worst, I hate it when he tells me stories about his ex's. Yeah, I am jealous. Though I know that I dont have a single right to be, I am jealous. It also hurts everytime he doubts how I feel. I still remember one of the bulettin he posted on friendster, the question during that time was: "Do you know someone who likes you? How did you know?" What was his answer? "Yata... Nabasa ko sa blog niya. :P" Stupid right.

Moving back to the dinner. It was nice, It's always nice seeing him again and seeing how simple and humble he is. I just love seeing him smile. But it hurts more to see him and realize that I am just a friend, but now, I think that being his friend is better. Because at least, I know I have another person who has my back and who will always be there for me.

Thanks, My Beautiful Disaster...Thanks for being nice and all. It is fun having you around.

2007-09-09T04:01:00.000-07:00

I just celebrated my 22nd birthday last friday. Yikes...I am already 22, hehe... Now that I am 22, as I evaluated the 22 freaking years of my existence, this are the things that I need to work on, in short these are my goals by the next year:

1. I need to work on my built, I cannot stay fat this year, I need to have a body that is not perfect but is acceptable. Acceptable, meaning tone and lean, with less fat and flabs.

2. I must learn how to save! I know that I am not thrifty, I am not close to being one. But Right now, realizing that I am not saving anything with the money that I am earning, I need to do something about it. That means less taxi rides bound to work for you, LJ.

3. I need to work on my work ethics. Though, work sucks, and though its boring. This year, I must learn to love it.

4. I need to be mature. I must act, talk, and think my age.

5. If the work ethics thing dont work, I must find a job that will make me happy. I still dont know what it is. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

6. I must invest on the future, though I am still young, it wont hurt if I started planning on my new house, este, condo unit. Whether I will buy a car or not, and whether I will have a restaurant/bar or a franchise of computer shop.

7. When it comes to relationship, I will change also, I will love myself first before anything else.

8. I need to be nice to my family. That's it!

9. I will stop complaining. I know this has been a constant problem, and this time, it must stop!

10. I will be happy with what I have now. I will try not to be hard on myself and start loving me for what I am, and what I have now.

I need to make this work. Next year, wait for my state of myself update to check whether I was able to pull this off.

2007-09-03T04:04:00.000-07:00

This past few days, I received a lot of meaningful text messages that I guess is worth sharing on my page.

Coffee has evolved in years with cream, iced coffee, coffee with choco chips, or cookies. But no matter how people try to innovate coffee varities, It still doesnt lose its distinct aroma.

Just like us, no matter how we clothe ourselves with different personalities, still our character remains. People may destroy your image, stain your personality but they cant take away your personality.

Live...Exist...Let your character diffuse its distinct aroma. 'Cause no matter what, you are really admired by the people who know you.

Laughter is not always the best medicine.

Sometimes, it is the best disguise.

A Pencilmaker told the pencils five important lessons:

First, everything you do will leave a mark.

Second, you can always correct your mistakes.

Third, what is important is what is inside you.

Fourth, In life, you will undergo painful sharpenings that will make you a better pencil.

Last, to be the best pencil you can be, you must allow yourself to be held and be guided by the HANDS that hold you.

"You cannot hold onto anything that wants you to go. You just have to love it while you got it and that's that."

To my friends who sent me this messages, thank you. They really made my day. Keep them coming, baka next time, kasama na ang mga sinend ninyo sa susunod kong blog. hahah!!!

2007-09-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

I checked my friendster account this morning and his comment made me smile. He just thanked me because of a song that I downloaded for him, and he also say thank you for being nice, it really made my day. Big time! then I checked one of the bulletin that he posted, and it says there that he called his ex, that ruined my day. Big time! Im jealous because he never called me. It sucks knowing that you can only be nice to a person and that person you want to have cannot call you back. I dont know, maybe I am just expecting so much. Maybe he doesnt have a single interest in me which also sucks but it is my fault that I am falling for him so much. I am falling for him big time. Now, I want to forget him. But will I be able to do it? I hope so...

So right now I am on this mood, let me dedicate this song to myself:

Save Me

by STACIE ORRICO

Lately I've been feelin kinda heavy
Could it be all the baggage im carrying
I had a guy who wasn't right
Talk about love and i gotta think twice
I mean he really worked a number
Up in my mind when I was open
Not just my lover, was my best friend
But he stole my heart and kept runnin

It's either love or life I want it all
But sometimes I may not get all the calls
Will you pick me up baby when I fall
Keep me safe in your arms
I know I might be movin slow
We can pick it up later down the road
Its a bit difficult to give you control
But let`s see where it goes

[CHORUS:]
Cause I've been lied to, cheated on
But you can make it right
If you can come and save me, save me
So wont you come and save me, save me
I can't trust, the truth be told
But you can make it right
If you can come and save me, save me
I'll let you come save me, save me

So far my life has been crazy
Like a reality show
But baby can you take the drama out my life
Make me forget all the tears that i've cried
Oh I think I better warn ya
What you see ain't just what you gon' get
Pieces of me aint right, they're still left
Can you pull them together

Its either love or life I want it all
But sometimes I may not get all the calls
Will you pick me up baby when I fall
Keep me safe in your arms
I know I might be movin slow
We can pick it up later down the road
Its a bit difficult to give you control
But let's see where it goes

[CHORUS]
I was trapped within my pain
Not long agoIt's still hard
But I try to do the best I can
Understand if my heart breaks again
It's already done, its over
Cause I know my heart will never mend
But you can make it right
Ohhh, ooohYou're gonna make it right
Ohhhh yeah yeah

[CHORUS x2]

Your love is saving me
Ohhh

You have to save yourself LJ! No one will, you have to rely on yourself!

2007-08-30T09:47:00.000-07:00

I still remember one of the lines in "Queer as Folks," there is this part where Michael, one of the lead stars became a clown because of work-related reasons and when a kid approached him, the kid ask, "can I have a balloon?" Michael, pissed as hell, just ignored the kid and when the kid cried, he just say that "Life is unfair kid! It will be best that you realize it at your age."

Michael is right. Life is really unfair...Probably its just too late for me to realize it. Asarness.

2007-08-27T17:11:00.000-07:00

I know I am not an angel.

Sobrang nakakapikon.

Siyempre, alam ko ng eksena ang color green (with matching pink) hair ko. Pero ano bang magagawa nu, gusto kong maging character ng ragnarok, kaso nga lang naging sarimanok.

Ok lang naman na pagtripan nu ang hair ko, ginawa ko talaga ito para sa ikaliligaya ng buhay ko at ng mga kaibigan ko. Pero pag hindi tayo close, wag kang eepal at magfifiling filingan na close tayo, at wag mong pakikialaman ang buhok ko.

Ito kasi ang nangyari. Dahil sa matinding kaantukan at katoxican sa trabaho kanina, nag decide akong kumuha ng kape sa pantry. Dahil meron lang akong 3 minutes para kumuha ng kape at bumalik sa station ko, medyo nagmamadali ako. Paglabas ko ng pinto ng production floor biglang umepal si eminguard (lady guard), at biglang sinabi na Ano namang ginawa mo sa buhok mo? Para kang ibon! Para kang ibong adarna!" Nakakairita. Punyeta. Kilala ba kita??? Magpapalait ako sa mga kaibigan ko kasi alam ko mga kaibigan ko un, hahayaan ko na yurakan nila ang pagkatao ko kasi mga kaibigan ko un, pero ikaw, di nga kita kilala e. Anong karapatan mo na magbida jan, di ako nakikipagkaibigan sa iyo, kaya wag kang magisip na kaibigan mo ako. Taga tago ka lang ng cp ko.

2007-08-23T05:16:00.000-07:00

My stupid Ex started texting me again, he is sending simple "hello!" and "Kamusta ka naman?" which really irritates me. So after 10 messages from him, I replied, "Hi! Im doing good. May I know who is this?" haha...

I dedicate this song to him:

WHITNEY HOUSTON lyrics

Im Getting Married Today!

2007-08-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

If I'm gonna get married today, this are the songs that should play at my wedding:

God Bless the Broken Road by Carrie Underwood and Rascal Flatts

Thank You For Saving My Life by Tim

At The Beginning from the Movie Anastacia

2007-08-19T01:34:00.000-07:00

Basta favorite ko si Aicelle, wala kayong magagawa!!!

On flirting

2007-08-18T03:58:00.001-07:00

I am doing this blog in RCBC. hehe...

I am not a flirt. I don't do flirting. You will never see me flirting with someone, somewhere. So what happens when someone flirt with me? It will just be a total humiliation on my end and the results will just show me walking away.

Let me cite an example:

When I was in the PVP bus on my way home last thursday, feeling exausted and toxicated, there was this guy, who is rock star looking and wearing havaianas who stepped in the bus. It is my normal habit to check who enters the bus. So when I looked at him, he smiled at me. Feeling akward, I just looked outside the window and waited for the bus to move. While we are on Bautista, the rock star looking guy just said, "Ang lamig 'no. Tara, painit tayo." I just continued looking at the window and continued pretending that I never heard what he said. Then he whispered again, "It seems that you dont want to have a good time." I want to laugh out loud but I dont want to offend him, so I just continued looking at the window pretending not to heard what he said. When he left, he looked back, that is the time I smiled at him and I again looked back at the window.

Now I understand the reason why I am still single. This is because flirting is not in my dictionary. On my opinion, there is a proper way, a proper place, and a proper time to flirt. You dont flirt in public places for heaven's sake! I dont go for one night stand, or one early morning stand. I want something real. Something that I can feel. Something that will last for eternity. If there is such thing.

So to all people who wants to flirt with me, in akward places and instances, better think again. Because, even if your good looking, and your my type, I am thinking every single minute that your around me, and believe me, I will just have one single action in everything that you are doing and that is me walking away.

2007-08-17T01:25:00.000-07:00

Asarness!!!! Bakit ba ung mga taong gusto mo, na pakiramdam mo gusto ka rin, MAY SYOTA!!! Asarness talaga!!!

2007-08-15T03:06:00.000-07:00

- Lisa Loeb Lyrics

2007-08-14T12:12:00.001-07:00

Your Birthdate: September 6

You tend to be a the rock in relationships - people depend on you.
Thoughtful and caring, you often put others needs first.
You aren't content to help those you know... you want to give to the world.
An idealist, you strive for positive change and dream about how much better things could be.

Your strength: Your intuition

Your weakness: You put yourself last

Your power color: Rose

Your power symbol: Cloud

Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2007-08-11T13:35:00.001-07:00

I dont know how will I start this one. But another blog post have to start, so with your permission, let me just start this saying, IT WAS A HELL OF A NIGHT.

Earlier this afternoon, Bhem told me that she will pay her debt. Excited, I immediately texted her for the details, basically, I dont want to remind her again taht she has a debt that she owes and I also dont want to miss this chance that she will pay. When she told me that I must go to her house at Malate, suddenly it just come into my mind to ask her out tonight. See how stupid I can get? I know that I have a sched, but I still ask her out. Stupid! The stupidity that I am feeling is unusually and excedingly peculiar and quite impossible to describe.

But since it's already here, and I am already on a taxi on my way to Malate, the stupidity continued. She told me while I was on the way that there is a spa near their area that will cost me P250.oo to have some sort of relaxation, I say yes because since my back is aching and I know that I badly needed it, and since its only P250, why not right? The moment I arrived at Bhem's house, we suddenly look for that spa and in the end, we found out that it is P550. Since my back is already aching and since this will be the first time that I will have a massage, P300 will not be bad. The massage is good. It relaxed me. I have no regrets about it.

When it is getting late. I dont know what goes into my head that made me ask Bhem to go out and drink beer at Gilligans. I am not a good drinker, I hardly drink, so after the poor service at Gilligans and being unadulteratedly pissed because Bhem's friend did not show up, in order for the night not to spoil, I just ask her to go to Library. I really did not regret going to the Library because it is a good place to be. I was laughing all night!

Basically, I paid our trip to the spa, what we have at Gilligans, to all the taxi rides, and what we have at the Library. Good thing that Bhem paid for our entrance (at the Library) because if she didnt, this blog can go longer because of the stupidity that I am feeling. But I am still stupid. Knowing that I am saving money, let me just tell you how much I spend for this night, it is greater that P2,000. Stupid right?

That is just not it, this will be embarassing to confess. Someone took me to their house. This happen while I was waiting for a taxi on my way home. While waiting, there is this cute guy wearing a black sando, whose name is Patrick, who approached me.

Patrick: Uwi ka na?
Me: Yes. Why?
Patrick: Sama ako.
Me (shocked): Nyay! Di pwede, may kasama ako sa house e.
Patrick: Di sama ka nalang sa 'min.

I was hesistant. Honestly, I was really hesistant. But since I am stupid, I said "yes." Basically, this is the first time I hooked up with someone that I met in the street. I dont really like meeting people on the street, I am scared. Knowing how contagious AIDS is, I am really careful. But since I am already on the taxi, and since he was asking already about things about me which I answered without a single honesty, the only thing I said to myself is "LJ, ang tanga tanga mo talaga! Nakakahiya ka!" But he is cute. And since I am giving him a fake name, a fake address, a fake job, a fake identity, and since I have protection on my wallet, as long as think about all the actions that I will do, I am safe. I just prayed silently while I was on the taxi. I still know that my God is bigger than anyone and he is protecting me at this moment.

What happens next? Basically, I dont want to go into details but this will be simple, we had sex. No other personal questions, no exchange of numbers, just good you know what.
I am stupid. I know that ever since. And I still dont know how stupid I can get. I spend close to P3, 000 for a span of 24 hrs. I know I enjoyed my night. But still, it costed me a lot. I feel that my conscience will bug me the moment that I dont have money anymore to go to work, I will remember how I enjoyed this night, and how stupid I become.

This night is not the same, it will never be. Because I know that this will just be a lesson learned that I will never forget. While writing this, I looked at my horoscope at friendster and this is what it said:

The Bottom Line:

You have every right to brag to friends today, but you shouldn't. Play it cool.

In Detail:

You have every right to brag to friends about your latest accomplishments, but you really shouldn't -- at least not today. There are too many friends whose fragile egos might cause them to react badly. It's not that they won't be happy for you -- they will -- it's just that your exuberance might remind them too much of their lack of good fortune. Be sensitive to this, and choose to share your pride with family members instead. They'll love to hear you pat yourself on the back!

My horoscope is correct. But I read it late. So I just have to remember that next time, I have to be sensitive. And that I must share my success to my family. That I must use my beautiful mind sometimes. Right now, the guilt that I am feeling never ease. The hate that I am feeling for myself just continues to intensified.

I will mark this date on my calendar, "08/11/2007 - The day I hated myself because I am a big guy who is unadulteratedly stupid and I am a big queer who never thinks."

another friendster bulletin

2007-08-09T23:01:00.000-07:00

1.Latest na narealize mo?> mahirap magmahal ng taong di ka kayang mahalin

2. Dapat gawin pag nalulungkot?> mag ran. bukod sa aantukin ka pag tinamad ka na, which will take mga 8 hrs, makakalimutan mo ang oras, tatakbo lang siya habang ikaw, lvl up lang ng lvl up

3. Any quotes bout LOVE?> love. burado muna yan sa dictionary ko e.

4.Favorite food?> PAGKAIN SA CHILDREN'S PARTY! Spaghetti, fried chicken, ice cream, cake, lumpiang shanghai, basta pagkain sa bday party.

5. Favorite Place to Be?> beach...though i cant swim, beach pa rin

6. Whats the title of the song that'sstuck in your head right now?> so emotional by christina aguilera

7. Pangarap mong summer get-away trip?> wait lang, nose bleed un ah, anong summer get away, anong summer?

8. Isang bagay na hindinghindi mo tatanggihan?> isang condo unit sa columns, naku, tnx talaga...

9. Masayang libangan kapag umuulan?> maglaro ng pc, kumain, matulog, at makipag chorva, kokak!

10. Isang bagay na pag-iipunan mo nanghusto?> ipon? next question.

11. Gagawin mo sa susunod mongbirthday?> punta sa baguio.

12. Hindi mo makayanan o matagalan?> ang bitterness

13. Gusto mong panoorin sa sine?> di ako mahilig sa movie

14. Do you love cooking?> MAHILIG AKONG KUMAIN!

15.Paano ka ma-badtrip?> pag bad trip, tulog, tapos tulog ulit, hanggang maging ok.

16. Matagal ka ba maligo?> depende.

17. kumakain ka ba ng vegetables?> uu...

19.sino palagi mong kausap sa phone?> si adrian.

20. huling kausap n matino?> si cy...pag naguusap kami, try naming maging matino

21. Sino ang kasabay mong umuwi?> wala. i can go home alone.

22. Are you a busy person?> busy. hehe... i cant say, pakiramdam ko nga sobrang daming oras
ang nasasayang.

23. Do you hate someone right now?> absolutely yes!

24.What makes you happy?> happiness is morning and evening, day time and night time too. happiness is everything and everyone at all, that is love by you. I am happy whenever i feel that ive done something gud for someone. i am happy whenever i am satisfying myself. When I am eating my favorite food, when it is raining, and a lot of other things. Life makes me happy. Being alive makes me happy.

2007-08-09T15:25:00.000-07:00

While on auto-in, while I was waiting for a call to came in, this song just came into my head.

More to Life

by Stacie Orrico

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived

I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside

Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing

And why can't I let it go

CHORUS:

There's gotta be more to life...

Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

Cause the more that I'm...

Trippin' out thinkin' there must be more to life

Well it's life, but I'm sure...

There's gotta be more(Than wanting more)

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly

Here in this moment I'm half-way out the door

Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

CHORUS

I'M WANTING MORE

I'm always waiting on something other than this

Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....

Always...

CHORUS - repeat twice

More to life

There's gotta be more to life (more to life)

There's gotta be more to life (more)

More to my life

Is this a sign???

2007-08-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

Due to unadulaterated boredom, when I was at work, my room mates played the Ouija Board.

There is this weird story that there is a girl, a white lady, that is living in our house. And because of unadulterated boredom and curiosity, my housemates decided to explore.

I have a third eye. Yes, probably this is shocker but its true. And for some, they say that it is a gift, but for me, knowing how coward I can be, if I can return it to whoever give it to me, I will be more than willing to give it. The gift started when I was still in high school. When I once visited my grandfather's tomb in Sariaya all alone, to my awe, I just saw weird looking folks roaming around the cemetery. At first, I never bother because probably they are just like the others who are visiting their love ones. But on my way home, while I was walking the cemetery's gate, I saw my grandfather, looking at me, smiling at me, winking at me. I suddenly felt the coldness of the surroundings, I started to paniced in a discreet way, I try to control my fear. Knowing it is my grandfather, I know he will not harm me, but when I saw other amm.. how will I call it, ghost. Looking at me, staring at me, that is a different thing, I know my grandfather too well, but the others, nevermind. Starting that day, I never visited cemeteries again.

After that I started feeling weird when I go to eerie places. From Hasmin, then at PUP, to the smoking area at West, to some sightings in the balcony of PS, sometimes even in buses, while walking in streets, there are everywhere, believe me, but they dont harm me, thankfully. Probably because they know how harmless I can get.

Yes, I also saw Beth, our silent house mate. I saw on my first visit here. Then when the stupid Joren saw her. I sometimes feel her when I am smoking at the balcony. I know that she is present.

Back to the Ouija that my house mate played. They just told me that they do talked to her. Well, good for them that they were never harm. Knowing how spirits operate and all, they just freak the hell out of me knowing that at some point they will just enter your dream and make it into a freaky nightmare. I tried to warned them, but knowing how stubborn boys can be, warning will never be enough.

I know how it feels to feel something that no one can feel. To see something that sometimes may find weird or crazy. To beleive in something that for some, never exist. And to tell you honestly, it is not fun. It sucks seeing shadows, hearing voices when you are alone somewhere, feeling paranoid. I dont like it. Good thing, they are not that active as before. Maybe they know that I will never give a damn whether they roam the earth or just stay peace and quiet. But I just hope that they stay peace and quiet. I hope that they rest in peace.

on loving my beautiful disaster

2007-08-09T01:17:00.000-07:00

You make me feel, so emotional

It's either black or white,
that's right
We're makin love or in a fight
Sometimes you make me so blue

But then it feels so good,I
knew it would
You know the way to make me crazy
I want to give it to you

You make me feel so emotional
I can't let go
I'm so emotional
I'm sinking fast into an ocean full of you
I'm so emotional

You take me high and low, you know
I'm never sure which way you're gonna go
You're such a mystery to me

But baby hot or cold,
you got a hold
Of my imagination
I think you know what i mean

You make me feel so emotional
I can't let go
I'm so emotional
I'm sinking fast into an ocean full of you
I'm so emotional

Rain is falling down on me
Suddenly the sun comes out
Sometimes north or south of love
But never out.

You make me feel so emotional
I can't let go I'm so emotional
I'm sinking fast into an ocean full of you
I'm so emotional

on coming out

2007-08-08T16:29:00.000-07:00

Ronald told me about the site and when i viewed it, its really nice. There are a lot of stories that you will relate to, pictures that will feast your eyes and a lot of opinions that will make you fee, "tama nga naman..."

It is a good site. And this makes me proud.

So if you want to be included, follow the instructions below:

Be a proud gay blogger! Want to be included in the Pinoy Gay Blogs listing? It’s easy! Here’s how:

1) Blog about Pinoy Gay Blogs on your blog, and invite more Pinoy gay bloggers to join the fun! Please ensure that the blog post has a link to this site, as well as to the list’s sponsor site manilagayguy.com.

2) Add http://pinoygayblogs.com and http://manilagayguy.com in your blogroll.

3) Leave a comment here so we can review your blog.

It’s that easy! Once your blog has been verified as a Pinoy Gay Blog, your blog will be listed in the Pinoy Gay Blog List. You and your blog can also be featured here in this site.

On being certified...

2007-08-03T21:55:00.000-07:00

My headset is now on its box. My manual is now in my arms carrying it to my new station. I remove my name that signifies that I am still a trainee from the station that I have used for almost five weeks.

Five weeks. Three weeks of trying my best to pull down my AHT, which never works. Two weeks of brain and body torture. And a week of playing safe and relaxing. Finally, I can say that I already secured my career in VXI, finally I am certified.

Jerome and I are the first two people who got certified from our batch. Knowing how confident I am of myself, of course I see it coming. I know that I am good. I am smart, not intelligent. And I know that I have mastered this job so long that I have everything in me to best all my batchmates including my previous office mates from PS.

Finally, it's here. I can feel the 22 thousand pesos, plus commission, that will show on my payroll account. I can see myself buying a new phone, then an iPod, then a digital camera. I can see myself having my own pc, going to work on a cab, eating out at the finest restaurants, going to gym on fitness first, and visiting my friends in mindanao. Now that it's here, I can definitely say that I can change my life now. All I need to do is to be extra friendly and cheerful, and it will all be worth it. I have plans in life, and now that i have the means, its time for the plans to took its place.

But it still sucks. I know that I have everything i need but i have no one to share it with. Looking at the brighter side of things, I have everything for my own.

I will continue walking this thin line between hell and the deep blue sea. Not knowing what will happen next, whether i will drown because of tears of be broken by the wall that blocks my path. What is important is that I am surviving. I am here. I am sober. And I am, ehem, richer!

2007-08-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

honestly speaking...

i fly both ways when it comes to relationships
i can't sing, dance, and act
i'd rather be call smart than intelligent.
i dont believe in expectations because they lead to frustrations which will then lead to depressions
i am fat, though my friends tell me that i look ok with my new built
i am good at thing when i focus, but when i suddenly lose my interest, i suck big time
i feel that relationships dont work for me
i am a good liar
i can be your best friend, but i can also be your worst enemy
i dont eat fish
i'm bored

2007-07-31T20:25:00.000-07:00

Waa... I am so in love with Joss Stone!

Online Videos by Veoh.com

2007-07-31T20:22:00.000-07:00

Lets start august with a bang! here it is...

LJ IS NOW CERTIFIED!!!!!

2007-07-28T01:18:00.000-07:00

this song is dedicated to all my friends na nasasaktan sa mga ex nila, sa mga taong di makapagmove on, sa mga taong di makatulog, sa mga umiiyak ng wlang dahilan, in short sa mga bitter...ito ang para sa inyo! ito dapat maramdaman nu ngaun, reminder lang...

2007-07-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

Avenue Q is a play in broadway that showcase puppets together with amazing stage actors. I love this song, I love the comic relief. And though sometimes life sucks, just remember, someone's life sucks more! hehe...

this one is for you, my beautiful disaster...

2007-07-25T23:30:00.000-07:00

Just as I woke througth the door, I can feel your emotions
Pulling me back, back to love you
I know, Im caught up in the middle, I cry just a little, when I think of letting go...
Oh no, gave up on the riddle, I cry just a little when he plays the piano in the dark...

2007-07-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

This is how thin i am back in college... now, this is me:

Yeah, I know. I really become chubier, I really cant help it. Sometimes, I just tell myself that, "pambawi ko lang naman ng pagod ang pagkain e, pangtanggal din ng stress, ganun." But now I am seeing the great difference with these two photos, all I can say is, "LJ, kailangan mo ng magdiet ulit." waaaaaaa!!! yoko!!!

2007-07-22T01:17:00.000-07:00

LJ PADLAN IS NOW QUALIFIED!!

Yes, the week ended with my AHT hitting 270 seconds! You may think that I am overwhelmingly happy and all, but actually I am not. Don't get me wrong. I am happy. I worked so hard to get it.

What just sucks is how I am feeling right now. I know that in order for me not to lengthen the calls that I was getting, I tend to rush it. I tend to be sarcastic. I tend to be a bitch. I tend to be an escalation agent again, probably worst. And right now, I am feeling guilty. I end up saying to myself, "kawawa naman ang mga customer na dumaan sa kin kanina, wala silang napala."

I really want this job. I worked so hard just to be in my position right now, I dont want to waste it. Well, I still have one week to prove myself to everyone. Wish me luck, everyone...ü

2007-07-18T01:11:00.000-07:00

Who am I?
One word...

2007-07-15T17:20:00.000-07:00

Get Your Sexy Name

Can Someone Translate This for Me?

2007-07-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

Here is the lyrics:

Pero Me Acuerdo De Ti Lyrics

Any help will be appreciated. Thanks. ü

2007-07-14T22:41:00.000-07:00

" I could love so many Masters or Mistresses perhaps. But you have an eerie beauty that delibitates me and absorbs me. You illuminate the punishments. I don't... I don't understand it."

- Beauty's Punishment by Anne Rice

What do you want to be?

2007-07-14T09:27:00.001-07:00

what do you want to be when you grow up? what is your ambition in life? when i was young and cute, a lot of teachers ask me this question. during that time, i always prepare for something big, when it is the start of classes and i know that there will be this stupid introduction thing that will take place, i am ready to impress my classmates. i usually tell them that i want to be a rocket scientist, microbiologist, genetic engineer, civil engineer and a surgeon (not just the ordinary doctor that my classmates will tell me, it must be surgeon!).
then i grew up, and everything was messed up. now, i dont want to be a rocket scientist because i am afraid of heights. i dont want to be a microbiologist because i hate bacterias and other disgusting things. being a genetic engineer is now not on my list because i am not good in genetics, chromosomes and cross breedings. i dont see myself as a civil engineer because aside from the fact that i cant draw, i cant even create a straight line. lastly, being a surgeon will be the craziest thing that i will be, i will never be efficient because i hate blood, i despise seeing inner parts of the body, and i dont like to see someone in pain.

now, i find it hard answering the question "what do i want to be?" maybe because i become something that i never dream of, though i love my job and all of that, its hard when you reach the point that you will realize that this is never in your plan, it just sucks realizing that you are growing up and that you have to decide what you really wants.

but if someone will ask me, "what i want to be?" my answer will be this: it is always my dream to be filthy rich. someone who has a condo unit in The Columns, who have lunch and at fancy restaurants, and who travels the world as a hobby. i want to be a photographer. someone who takes great pictures, pictures that will show the real emotions, pictures that will show the beauty of nature, and pictures that will convey what i cant say.i will be a legend. someone who will be remembered because i did something that is so important to humanity, what is it? dont ask me, i also dont know how will that happened. hehe...

i just want to be the lj that i have in me. someone who never has to pretend to fit in. someone who creates a lasting impression to those whom i met. i want to be remember because of my bubbly personality, for my craziness, for my integrity, and for my sincerity. i want to become a hammock to everyone, i want to give comfort. i want to make sure that no one is left out, that no one will be isolated once i am around.
lastly, i want to be happy. i want to be bright and shiny and overwhelmingly happy.

2007-07-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

di talaga ako mahilig sumagot ng surveys sa friendster, kaso nung ginawa ko ito, natuwa naman ako kasi ang

dami palang taong naging parte ng buhay ko. miss ko na po kayo. sobra!

I will give a thing you will write theperson that reminds you of that thingand why it reminds u of that person...
1. curtain- si jeff, kasi minsan ginawa niang gown ung kurtina nia, ang taray!!!
2. knife- si joren, kasi muntikan na nia akong mapatay.
3. guitar- si adrian, classmate ko nung highschool, wala lang, marunong lang siyang mag gitara.
4. loofah- si andrew, roommate ko dati, xe ang tagal niang maligo.
5. microphone- si edward, pinsan ko, kasi pag nagsasalita siya, kahit normal voice lang, para siya laging may microphone.
6. red rose- si ate lengleng, mahilig kami kay dennis ng ghost fighter.
7. computer- ung mga housemate ko ngaun na mahilig mag dota.
8. bus- si bhem, kasi marami kaming sharing moments sa bus...
9. megaphone- si caloy, basta un na.
10. pencil- si pam, ung trainor ko now, kasi ampayat payat nia.
11. anime- si abby, ang bestfriend ko sa west, kasi mukha siyang anime.
12. puno- si eunice, xe napakadependable nia...
13. table- si trisha, kasi masarap siyang kasamang kumain.
14. ipis- s redg. ü
15. candle- si em, bestfriend ko nung college kasi sobrang puti nia.
16. mga bench s edsa- bench sa edsa?? hmm... meron bang bench sa edsa??? si ryan, masarap kasama pag tumatambay.
17. flagpole- ung isa kong housemate na gusto lagi siyang nasa center ng attention.
18. whiteboard/blackboard- si ms. jay, fave teacher ko nung hs, wala ng iba.
20. chinese garter- si warner so, kasi isa siyang intsik.
21. drawing table- si kate anne, kasi sobrang galing niang magdrawing.
22. sunflower- si mara, she brighten up my day este night, este gy pala.
23. mga novels- si neil, kasi siya ang library ko dati ng mga novels.
24. calamares- si ipac, ADDICT!! mahilig siya dito...
25. basketball- si edred kasi magaling siya dito
26. yema- si jen geslani, bestfriend ko sa ps, kasi sobrang sweet nia.
27. backpack- backpack...si theresa novicio, ito ang tipo ng bag nia nung college.
28. kodigo- si richard abello, hehe....walang kokontra!!!
29. teddy bear- si cy, hehe...gusto ko siyang yakapin.
30. camera- si momentz, ang sarap niang kunan ng picture.
31. rain- si ron decina, kasi he calms me.
32. sky- si marigold, wala lang, siya lang naaalala ko.
33. kisame- si joni, kasi bed niya ang humaharang sa kisame pag nakatingala ako sa bed
35. sandok- si tita sandra, ang sarap niang magluto.
36. bed- si diane, she comforts me.
37. thong- si efren, hehe...kasi nagthothong siya nung college.
38. school- batchmates ko nung hs and college.
39. umbrella- mga true friends ko, they shelter me from harm, they keep me warm.
40. newspaper- si charisse, wla lang, masama lang si charisse, marunong naman siyang gumawa ng balita e.
41. eyeglasses- si sir arnold mendoza, kasi fave ko siyang teacher tapos nakaglasses siya.
42. pizza- si joyce, sino pa...
43. piano- si mickey, hehe... basta magaling siyang magpiano.
44. grasses- tatay ko, masamang damo.
45. paper- si phil, hinagisan kami ng papers sa product training.
46. Noli me Tangere- si ginang, ang teacher ko ng filipino nung highschool.
47. video camera- si lakay, mahilig gumawa ng scandal sa cr.

ito na siguro ang pinakasamayang bulettin na ginawa ko, bwahahaha....ipopost ko ito sa blog ko.

2007-07-14T08:35:00.000-07:00

J'ai besoin de trouver ma tour de phare !

2007-07-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

I saw this picture on one of my friend's friedster profile. I like the darkness of the pic, I also like the boys in the pic. hehe....

sober

2007-07-12T20:41:00.000-07:00

Main Entry: 1so·ber
Pronunciation: 'sO-b&r
Function: adjective
1 a : sparing in the use of food and drink : ABSTEMIOUS b : not addicted to intoxicating drink c : not drunk
2 : marked by sedate or gravely or earnestly thoughtful character or demeanor
3 : UNHURRIED, CALM
4 : marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness
5 : subdued in tone or color
6 : showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
synonym see SERIOUS

to better understand it, listen...

balancing him and him

2007-07-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

I am maneuvering on this stupid balance beam.

I dont want to make someone happy and sad at the same time...

I dont want to make my life complicated but I dont want it it to be boring...

I really never planned to fall, but now it's here, What will I do?

Which side of the balance beam will I make my last somersault? Right or Left? My stable current or my unsure future?

2007-07-11T21:03:00.002-07:00

I will never ever create a blog about being heart broken... I will never ever create a bitter blog again!!! I will never be bitter!!!

But I think I just did.

2007-07-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

10 things or less...

10 things in life that makes me overwhelmingly happy...

1. Friends
2. Rain
3. Sex =p
4. Food in Children's Party
5. Helping others
6. Knowing that other people care for me and love me.
7. Falling in love
8. Baguio
9. Taking photographs.
10. Knowing someone is reading my blogs.

10 things in life that makes me feel crap.

1. Someone breaking my trust
2. Traffic
3. Needing money
4. My family
5. Being broken hearted
6. Loving someone who cannot love me back
7. Feeling stupid
8. Feeling Hopeless
9. The feeling of Needing
10. Knowing that there are things I cannot change, but Im forcing it.

2007-07-10T20:34:00.000-07:00

My running AHT this morning is 408 seconds...Crap! I need to have an AHT of 275 to qualify and in order for me to be certify this week. I don't want to stay longer in OJT! That will never happen!!

You can pull this off, LJ. You have to focus, LJ!! JUST FOCUS!

2007-07-09T22:15:00.000-07:00

ANG LSS....

2007-07-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing more unpredictable than me, it will be the weather. It is getting more and more upsetting.

I was bound to work last night, the road was still dry when I left the boarding house. Everything seems to be going my way. I was able to seat at my favorite spot in the jeep (beside the driver) in peace, but there was this fat lady who is keep on staring me last night acting like it was the first time he saw a guy wearing a pink shirt, duh! I was looking at the side mirror, assessing how I look, and then suddenly the rain just poured.

It was really irritating! It was the first time I saw the rain pour heavily and it drizzle. And take note, they take turns... And since I was beside the driver, and there is a fat lady that is between us. I was really soaking wet. How will I describe it? Think of it this way, half of my body is warm and dry like the Sahara Dessert and my other half is Wet and Freezing like the Arctic Ocean. Kagagaling ko palang naman sa trangkaso, (huhu. :'c )... And I am still half way before I get to RCBC... Then there is no dryer in our Washroom (discrimination! the ladies have one.)... Lastly, its qualifying week...

No offense, I really love the rain! I love the rain when I am at home and sleeping, I adore it, when I am looking at it from my office window. But, if its possible, please dont rain when I am on the streets... Please lang po... ü

2007-07-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

Me in my new battle field, behind me will be my future home. =p

2007-07-09T02:16:00.001-07:00

-[ Lourdjenn ]-

Found buried treasure and took over the world

'What will you be remembered for?' at QuizGalaxy.com

2007-07-09T02:01:00.001-07:00

pag bored, bigla na lang pumapasok sa isip ko na..."parang gusto ko mag sky dive..." good luck naman sa kin, hehe...

2007-07-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

Emman posted this bullettin on friendster, I love reminiscing my first year hs days...

THINK BACK TO 1ST YEAR HS... Let's seehow much you remember and how much youregret..

1. Who was your best friend [classmate]?~ krystle
2. Who did you like?~ i liked mrs diaz...
3. What sport did you play?~ volleyball
4.Did you buy your lunch?~ nope... packed lunch po
5. It's Friday night, where were you?~ sa bahay, nag aaral, pag hindi, asa bahay ng classmate, nagaaral, gumagawa ng project, nagpapractice ng kung ano ano extra curicullar activities.
6. Were you a party animal?~ hindi ko alam ung nung first year hs ako
7. SKIP SCHOOl???~ bawal sa munsci...
8. Did you get suspended/expelled?~ never
9. Can you sing the alma mater?~ wala pang alma mater song nung 1st yr HS q
10.What was your favorite subject?~ english, science, history
11.What was your school's full name?~ muntinlupa nat'l high school scienceannex (nung 1st year) - later renamed asmuntinlupa science high school :D
12. Did you go to the dances?~ uu...
13. If you could go back in time anddo it all over, would you?~ wag nalang...
14. What do you remember most about1st year?~ hmm... sobrang close kami ng mga kabatch ko
15. Favorite memory in 1st yr?~ winning competitions
16. Where did you go most often forlunch?~ sa classroon
17. What did you do on the last day ofschool?~ clearance
18. Did you like 1st year?~ uu... first eh :D

2007-07-08T22:33:00.000-07:00

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

2007-07-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

Ever since i met gerald, my life has never been the same again. He is the type of person that you really want to be with. he is fun, smart, comic, and lastly, sincere.

I' ve learned a lot from him, when i am between hell and the deep blue sea, he ground me.

Let me share you the things that this fab person shared me.

"everyone has at least one mean bone in their body! it just so happens that i'm jubes so all the meanness is hidden under layers of taba and cholesterol. people think fat people are nice because they have to compensate for not having a jackson body pero the meanest people i know are either panget or a fatness first member. pero generally, i'm nice naman."

"maybe i just have to accept the fact na whatever i do, i'll always be sad, one way or another. it's better to accept the fate of a lifetime of loneliness than wait for the happiness that will never arrive. it isn't pessimism, it's just being real."

"i think i should stop being extremely nice and polite to everyone simply because only a handful would ever exercise the same amount of niceties, tolerance and politeness towards me. not that i'd do a 180 and become bitcherella but i'll give people the treatment they deserve."

"there's a hint of happiness in all the the loneliness that comes with being pathetic."

"i should be the first of all people to know this but sometimes, people need a taste of their own medicine to feel how painful a weapon words can be. they don't give fleshwounds but words can cut deep enough to hurt and leave us bleeding, especially when they come from people that we love."

Gerald, your a genius! Lj miss Gerald!

2007-07-08T19:43:00.000-07:00

Bwahaha!!! Makakabili na ako ng ganito sa katapusan!!! Yeay!!

2007-07-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

Right now, I feel that I am getting more and more dumb each passing day. I want to prove to myself that I am still smart and intelligent, and not dumb and stupid. And to determine the truth, let's take an IQ TEST!

I took two exams, the Classic and the Super IQ Test,

I feel that I am student again, hehe... The exam was hard, and the results for the super IQ Test is:

LJ, your IQ score is 106

Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it's only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.

The way you think about things makes you an Original Thinker. This means you're a naturally abstract thinker. You pick up visual detail that others routinely miss. You're also very good at making connections that don't already exist, and you have your own ideas of how the world works. While your talents matter greatly in real life, they are sometimes overlooked in less thorough intelligence tests.

How did we determine that your thinking style is that of an Original Thinker? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you an Original Thinker. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.

Ehem! Sorry, 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combinations of abilities daw o!

For the Classical IQ Test:

Congratulations, LJ!Your IQ score is 113

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

At least, I can say, I have still have a beautiful mind...ü

2007-07-08T17:23:00.000-07:00

i feel...

2007-07-08T16:59:00.000-07:00

after lunch yesterday, to my awe, ruel and I saw Bituin Escalante standing in front of our house. She was one of the visitors in our rich neighbor's house, they are having an evetn or somethin.

All I can say is, "buti nalang magaling siyang kumanta," hehe...

Bad, Eljay, bad...

2007-07-08T06:39:00.000-07:00

I ask all my friends if loving so much will be a sin, a mistake, or something to be ashamed of. a friend replied, ''yeah, we all want to be loved but if the shower of emotions doesn't come from the right person, we neglect it. take it for granted. i'd rather be as dry as the sahara than get stormed by love from the wrong person."

i want to talk to my friend after i received the message. i know i am argumentative but after i read it, i know that there is something that i want to explain. love is something that we just feel, it is so magnetic that it will just keep us coming back to the person that made us feel that. that is the way i see it, probably that is the way i love. people will say that once you love, leave something for yourself, but can someone introduce me to a person who love and still leave something for himself? i know that we are in control of our mind, our heart, and our actions but sometimes, love will just start doing things that we are not aware of. it will be automatic. digital. something we cant control.

i know we have our own idea of what will be our ideal partner. but what if that ideal partner does not exist? what if you will just meet someone that is the exact opposite of that ideal partner that you dream of? and you love that person, will you hinder yourself from loving so much?

i know. everyone is thinking that loving someone so much is a sin, a mistake, something that we must be ashame of. but what if you love someone, can you stop yourself from loving that person so much? i believe that it will never be a sin, because love encompasses everything. it is something so beautiful that it can't be wasted, it has no regrets, no hard feelings. its just pure love. and whether you will love someone so much, it will be your responsibility, it is your decision, your sole choice, and no one can question that, because if something bad happens, it will be nice that you will be the one who will personally learn how to be responsible with your decisions and you will feel good, y? because you learn to love.

2007-07-08T06:10:00.000-07:00

(when i was still a trainee in West, the trainors ask us to write something, the topic is: what is our indispensible tiger? something that we cannot live without. Here is what i come up during that time...)

it was year 2001, when i usad to be a participant of the Intel Philippines Science Fair. it was a regional competition held each year to bring the best researchers in the country. i was a contestant then, while she was there to take some photographs for their school paper. the feeling was weird. because instead of watching the program and focusing on the competition proper, i was waiting for her to go to the front to take those snapshots. i don't know why. then the competition end, i was so upset, not just because our school lost but it was my last time to see "ms. photographer," what upsets me more is that i don't have her name.

i met theresa on my freshman year at pup. we were seatmates, cheatmates, lunchmates, and a lot of other things. we were always together because we share the same interests. in short, we became the best of friends. tere and i were always there for each other, we solve our problems together, cry together, laugh together, study together, get silly together and do bad things together. i really enjoyed her company, i just love being with her. that time, tere was my biggest treasure. my joy. the only thing that i keeps me moving on.

it was the end of the semester when we started sharing stories about our high school days. we started talking about the competitins we've been into. then something unbelievable happen, i can't believe it when she told me that she was in the science fair that i participated in, supporting her classmates, taking photographs for their school paper.

theresa is my ms. photographer, my bestfriend, my indespensable tiger, the only thing i cannot live without. and even if she has someone in her life now, i will still be the best friend she wanted me to be, and even though i wanted something else, i am willing to sacrifice the feeling that i have for her, because i want her to be happy, and i am happy when she is happy.

2007-07-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

I cant explain what i am feeling...its overwhelming.
the happiness may drown me, but its making me feel better.
its ecstatic. its magnificent. its unadulturated. its bliss.
i never believe that i will feel this way again.
but now its here, i dont know how will i handle it.
now, i feel that i am ready again.
just give me time to assess the ground where i am standing.
and when i feel that it is safe, that it is sure, il make a move.
just wait....

music man...

2007-07-08T05:52:00.000-07:00

When it comes to music, which do you prefer, the melody or the lyrics? Me? I prefer the lyrics more. I love songs that conveys so much. Its more pleasant to hear the lyrics because that is what the song is all about. I know the melody makes the song unique. But without the lyrics, it will just be, i guess, sound. Lyrics help me realize things. It makes me adjust to situations. The words will also give you a lesson learned or perhaps will wake you from your daydream. It will tell you that reality exist, that somewriters also know how you feel in certain situations. It will make you feel better because, in this big big world, that in this complicated life. Someone also cries, laugh, be happy, get excited, do stupid things, get crazy and break down. Lyrics will make you feel that though you are experiencing tough things, somewhere, out there, someone suffers more. And the best outlet for them is through writing the words, and incorporating it in an amazing melody, then, tomorrow, it will be a hit.

2007-07-07T22:24:00.000-07:00

Sober Lyrics

2007-07-07T22:02:00.000-07:00

2007-07-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

Why did i never see it coming? I've been looking at his friendster account since i dont know, and I just saw it now. His occupation: Sr Executive - QA. Sr Executive, meaning like a QA Supervisor in PS, someone who handles Quality Analyst. Maybe I'm wrong, but why does it have a Sr Executive discription?

I also noticed one of his friends commenting on him changing her schedule, he has the power to change someone else's sched! I know this industry that much that when I know someone who has the capacity to change scheds, it means that you are someone who really made it in this industry. Crap, I really dont know what I am feeling, I really like him, but he is too good for me. He is too successful for me. I really hate it when I feel intimidated. I am confident with myself, I am strong, but sometimes I feel so fucked up.

I really admire his humility. His attitude. His awesome smile. But I admire more someone who has the honesty to tell things... And now he stopped texting, he stopped communicating. After I expressed how I adore him, how I care, how he means the world to me, he stopped communicating. Sometimes the truth really sucks, but what sucks more is that you have to put yourself back together because you beleive in a lie.

When will I learn? I don't know... All I know now is that things happen for a reason, maybe we don't deserve each other, and now, Lord made me realize that I can never live in a fantasy. I will never deserve him. Because I am dark and twisted, and he is...so beautiful, such a beautiful disaster. ü

2007-07-07T02:49:00.001-07:00

Now I know what Picto-Personality test is, it's analyzing your personality through pictures... Biruin mo yun!

This is the result of my test:

The Picto-Personality Test

You are a person who is incredibly tranquil and values peace above all else.

When alone, you appreciate being able to do nothing if you want to, and setting your own pace for things.

You are intelligent. You use your time to its fullest potential and will go very far in life.

In the future you will be happy and live richly.

Take this Test at QuizGalaxy.com

2007-07-07T02:31:00.000-07:00

I was browsing through Trisha's blogs and found something, it has a title of "The Picto-Personality Test," whatever that is... When I clicked the link, and browse through the page, this test then catch my attention. I want to ask myself this question eons ago. When I answered all the questions with all honesty, and the results show, I can't beleive what I found out. Here it goes:

Are you a good boyfriend/girlfriend?
	You are a great lover. This will get you into many wonderful relationships. You know how to treat your partner. You are skilled in love and it might be helpful to teach others.

'Are you a good boyfriend/girlfriend?' at QuizGalaxy.com

KALOKOHAN... Hehe...

2007-07-07T02:07:00.001-07:00

Your Personality is Somewhat Common (ISFJ)

Your personality type is stubborn, conservative, trustworthy, and caring.

About 13% of all people have your personality, including 18% of all women and 7% of all men
You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Judging.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

2007-07-07T02:02:00.001-07:00

Your Icecream Flavour is...Neopolitan!

You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

2007-07-07T01:52:00.000-07:00

How to make a Lourdjenn

Ingredients:

1 part jealousy

3 parts self-sufficiency

5 parts energy

Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of curiosity

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

2007-07-07T01:23:00.000-07:00

I feel stupid. I really cannot understand why I only realize that I am losing something the moment I am not using that thing already.

This morning, I remembered that I have this particular pants that I love to wear when my waist line was still 30, its bench, its blue, and its faded. Though I am feeling sick, I took all the energy that is left within me, to search for it. In my cabinet, in my hamper, in the spot

where we normally place our pants, but to my dissapointment, I never found it.

Then, when I was about to take a bath, and when I was about to get the things that I needed to take a bath, I CANNOT FIND MY TOWEL!!! Where is my freaking towel? I was here since last night, it is just beside my bed and now, I cannot find it.

Today, I've learned that we must not neglect all the simple things that we have. Though it is just a towel, a pants, or someone that means a lot to you, you must not neglect it. Because it is hard losing something...you will panic.

2007-07-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

You've been hurt by unhealing pain and sadness

Together, let's carry each other's indelible pasts.

Don't give up on living!

I took your hand. Will I lose them one day?

I want to protect you and your fading smile, so...

Even if the resounding voice that calls me should wither...

Even if it's scrathced away by the winds that blow with time...

I will find you!

You, who've been hurt by unspeakable pain and sadness,

Don't say things like "I can't laugh" or "I hate people."

There's meaning in everything to happen in the unseen future,

For now, you're fine as you are, I know a time'll when you'll realize it.

You and Me, two have spoken.

One day, we'll understand each other.

2007-07-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

nobody knows who i really am.

i never felt this empty before.

and if i ever need someone to come along...

who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong?

the journey still continues on...

even on quiet daysafter the moon completes its phase,

it will shine light upon ships

i pray and wait for the new day to come...

until it arrives across the vividly sparkling ocean

-taken from the anime "bleach"

my sign...

2007-07-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

for the sake of updating my blog...

Virgo - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:
You're incredibly thoughtful and able to give your partner what they need most.You are totally logical. You can deal with problems without involving your emotions.A good work ethic. You'll do whatever it takes (within reason) to make your relationship work.

Your negative traits:
Sometimes you are so focused on your goals that you let your relationships sufferYou tend to be a perfectionist - and expect perfection from your mate as wellYou are picky. So picky that you rather be single than with someone who has a few minor faults.

Your ideal partner:
Values success in life as much as you doFits a checklist of qualities you've been looking for since childhoodLike you, is more practical and realistic than romantic

Your dating style:
Active. You're a bit hyper, so you'd prefer a date that involved rollerblading in the park or hiking.

Your seduction style:
You may seem a bit shy, but once you open up to someone - you're totally uninhibitedYou like to set the scene first - candles, music, nice sheetsA bit obsessed with cleanliness, you may want to shower first with your love

Tips for the future:
Soften up a little. Vulnerability is sexy - and feels great over time.Lower your standards a little. Look past a messy desk or someone being five minutes late.Praise your partner more. You make expect them to be successful, but complements are still appreciated.

Best color to attract mate: Navy blue

Best day for a date: Wednesday

What's" Your Love Profile?

Let me introduce myself...

2007-07-06T01:17:00.000-07:00

I AM THE ANGEL OF DEATH

you can trust me but dont trust me too much.

i am someone who can stab you in the back.

i can make you feel special with a single touch,

and with a blink of an eye, i can break your heart.

you can find me quiet, you can find me calm.

but beware, what you find is what you never seek.

i know how to love, to care, to make you feel warm.

but i also know how to hate and how to play with fire.

i have wings that can take you up high.

but on my right hand i a weapon that will make you cry.

i stood on the grave of everlasting dispair,

im contagious, the moment i care.

i wear a mask made of unadultarated glee.

for people not to see the evil in me.

never attempt or teach me to change.

fat chance, change is not for me.

life make me act and think this way.

i am good and evil in alternating days.

i am a human that knows how to love, to be compassionate, to care.

but inside, i am the angel of death, i am born to kill. ü